Thank the GODS its friday

I just want to cry my eyes out.
Rip my eyes out from the sockets; bash myself in the back of the head.
My soul is dark is black.
I can’t bear up under the pressure; I got my foot on my neck crushing out all the words.
I see myself as myself shaking, shaking, shaking the hell out of my baby self.
My skin is cold and wet I’m dead dying to get out of my skin.
Screaming the voices are crowded in my brain causing causing me extreme distress, diarrhea, tears, fears, worries, pain.
My brain is on fire I’m a live wire ready to explode.
Shoot the shit out of my misery.
I want to give the bluest eye a black eye, stupid Mary Jane candies gets stuck in my teeth.
Get me some good ole tasty collard greens, corn bread and sweet tea to wash down the taste of torment as I peer into the looking glass at my soul.
Hollow and fake fragile as porcelain and just as easy to break.
Don’t stop me now I’m on a roll you wanted a story to be told.

Untitled and unfinished, Angee continues

I’m on all fours praying to the porcelain goddess. Retching up my guts from being drunk on self-hate, self mutilation, date rape, spouse abuse, drug misuse ughhhhh! I vomit into the toilet bowl.

I’m on the banks of the river Nile; Isis protectively holds back my locs from my face as I purge my body of all its dis-ease. Transformed into Hathor balancing gingerly on wobbly knees. Spewing tumors and cancer, venereal disease, AIDS, plagues escape my lips.

I’m deep in the delta, back weary hands calloused and I see a hand with a bullwhip hovering above me. Damn, this is the slave history in me. So I lock my knees and brace my body for the whip. As my skin is being broken I pray to the goddess of the fertile ground let my blood nourish you. Strengthen you so that you might grow rumble and quake shaking all this misery away.

I vomit up the sun rise and shit out the moon. I am the b-i-t-c-h that rides the Milky Way on a broom. At the moment of my pleasure waves lick at the seashore, birds flutter through the air. Orgasmic volcanic eruptions hot loving lava stream forth. Earth quaking erotic moans of shearing white lighting pleasure emitted with supersonic screams send creatures of the night dizzy. Billions of stars ejaculated my cosmic lover comes. My milk feeds and is consumed by nations of men birthed from a red clay womb. My body is not a tomb to lay rest bodies of war tearing earthly wounds. Gashes dug deeply in my skin men plunder my precious cavity deplete me of natural resources.

Carrying the weight of our world on my shoulders, I carry the weight of its pain on my back. I strap a baby on my back as if it were a lithe nap sack. I am woman, am mother, am a clever creature with a baby as a nap sack. Truth be told I’m as old as the rivers as wide as the seas. I am mother to the trees swift are the licks I strike out a lash of sweet summers breeze as easy as I please.

This is from a writing exercise to promote healing for DV survivors I decided to share. This blog is a space for my transformation where I can express me.

ALL HALLOWS SAMHAIM ALL HALLOW'S EVE HALLOWEEN THE GREAT SABBAT ALL SOULS DAY DIA DE LOS MUERTOS HALLOW E'eN

http://www.ucc.ie/fecc/samhain.html A spirit night borrowing from many different traditions I've come up with my own celebration. Honoring relatives that have made an impact in my life. My father Edward Eugene Williamson 1947 - 1972 rest in peace DADDY. My great-uncle Nelson L. Alston 1923 - 1995 the man who raised me taught me how to be a stubborn bitch. Also how to face adversity with a smile.

My auntie Bonnie Lynn Smith 1957 - 2006 she blessed me with a calmness.If there is a heaven she's there.
My papa Robert Jones Jr. he give me my work ethic no matter what the job do it well. In memory I honor them for their strengths, wisdom, grace, and love. I'll eat a snickers for my uncle, drink a Lil gin for papa and read the Bible for my aunt. For my Daddy I'll just be still, holding a space in my heart of hearts for him.

PART TWO BLUES

5 Chiastolite has been used since ancient times for protection.
It transmutes conflict into harmony and dispels negative thoughts and energies.
Some uses of Chiastolite include:
Psychic protection
Grounding
Strengthen any chakra
Overcome feelings of loneliness, isolation or depression
Protection for travellers
Gateway to mysteries and out of body travel
Enhances the energy of prosperity stones

I've chosen five stones with one as a protector the Chiastolite. The stones are to be put into a bag and carried on your person. Because the need was due to depression I also suggested that he carry his stones in a yellow bag:

The shade of yellow determines the meaning. Pure, bright and sunny yellow is the easiest color to see. People who are blind to other colors can usually see yellow. Yellow is full of creative and intellectual energy. Always use yellow note pads.
Yellow symbolizes wisdom. Yellow means joy and happiness. People of high intellect favor yellow. Yellow daffodils are a symbol of unrequited love. Sunday's color is yellow-gold.
Yellow Energy
Like the energy of a bright sunny day, yellow brings clarity and awareness. The shade of yellow determines its effect: Yellow-green can mean deceit, and creates a disoriented feeling. Orange-yellow imparts a sense of establishment. Clean light yellow clears the mind, making it active and alert.
Put some yellow in your life when you want:
clarity for decision-making
relief from 'burnout', panic, nervousness, exhaustion
sharper memory and concentration skills
protection from lethargy and depression during dull weather

or purple:
Color Purple - Violet


Purple is the color of good judgment. It is the color of people seeking spiritual fulfillment. It is said if you surround yourself with purple you will have peace of mind. Purple is a good color to use in meditation.
Purple has been used to symbolize magic and mystery, as well as royalty. Being the combination of red and blue, the warmest and coolest colors, purple is believed to be the ideal color. Most children love the color purple. Purple is the color most favored by artists. Thursday's color is purple.
Violet is the color of purpose. Violet is associated with the Crown chakra (This links individual and universal).
Violet Energy
Violet is a combination of blue and red. Red is a focusing, dynamic and active energy while blue is cooling, calming and expansive. Violet brings a new dynamic to the expansion of blue and the activity of red. Red brings practicality to the undirected expansiveness of the blue, and allows more creative energy to emerge. For this reason, violet is associated with imagination and inspiration.
Violet is an important energy for those who use blue and indigo skills in the psychic field. The red in violet offers a grounding effect.
Put some violet in your life when you want:
to use your imagination to its fullest
to re-balance your life
to remove obstacles
to calm over activity or to energize from depression

The Blues

My brother called about being depressed and suffering from depression since high school. I work with a few non-tradition healing methods so he wanted some advise. First I told him to get up and exercise, because this causes good blood flow and getting O2 into the blood cells which improves your health. No he said, "I want something for lazy people." Well I thought about it one reason he's feeling so lazy is due to the depression which is only acerbated by the lack of exercise. So I've started with helping his emotional state with Bach flower essence:

Depression.
Mustard: Helps you when you feel suddenly depressed for no reason. It feels like a cold dark cloud have destroyed all happiness and cheerfulness.
Elm: You get overwhelmed by your work overload and feel depressed and exhausted.
Sweet Chestnut: Helps you when the anguish is too great and seem to be unbearable. Your mind r body feels as if it had bore to be the uttermost limit of its endurance. It feels as there is nothing but destruction and annihilation left to face.
Willow: Helps you when you have suffered adversity or misfortune and find it difficult to accept. You feel sorry for yourself and are grumble and sulky.
Gorse: Feeling hopeless and pessimistic
Gentian: Due to set-back and for known reason.


How to take the Bach Flower Remedies?
Dilute two drops* of the remedy in a glass of water and sip at intervals (*4 drops for Rescue Remedy)
For multiple use add two drops of each chosen remedy (no more than seven) to a 30 ml bottle, top up with mineral water and take four drops at least four times a day
If necessary the Bach Flower Remedies can be dropped neat onto the tongue, or rubbed onto the lips, behind the ears, or on the temples and wrists
Bach Flower Remedies can be used as often as desired. In a crisis you may need only one dose but for a continuing emotional problem you can take them for as long as needed

I myself frequently use Bach rescue remedies.


Next I suggested gemstone healing;


1 Healing properties of Ametrine
Ametrine is very helpful in getting rid of depression. This leads to inner peace and tranquility.
Many believe that it contains the powers of amethyst and citrine in one stone, making it a very powerful money stone as well as an excellent via to higher psychic awareness and spiritual enlightenment.
VERY RARE POWER STONE.

2 Tangerine Calcite wand(1-1 1/2" long)
Orange Calcite properties
Orange Calcite can be used to get positive energy moving in the areas of sexuality, and creativity. Orange Calcite has strong energizing and cleansing properties.
Balances emotions
Removes fear
Overcomes depression
Dissolves problems standing in the way of achieving your best potential



3 Obsidian helps to protect the very sensitive against depression. It is the stone of the soft hearted and gentle people of the world. Use obsidian to help block negativity of any kind. As a black gemstone, it symbolizes self control and resilience. Black stones have protective energies in the sense that black is the absence of light, and therefore, can be used to create invisibility.

I absolutely love Obsidian!

4 Healing properties of Smokey Quartz
Smokey Quartz is connected with the sounds of the universe. It makes you more aware of sounds including telepathic sounds. Smokey Quartz helps relieve depression.

MAIDEN MOTHER CRONE

Now is the time for change the season is fall or autumn if you like. Ground yourself to mother earth plant your feet breath roots down to her core. In your seat connect with her woman to woman your core connected with a coiling rope to the earth’s core. Breathe deeply expanding your belly. This is the moment for change breathe deep C-H-A-N-G-E want you to open your EARS, can you hear it, concentrate listen for the changes in your life. Listen to the changes in your life, hear yourself change- from a girl to a woman, from single to couple or vise-verse, change from sad to glad, I’m alive, from job to jobless. L-I-S-T-E-N, B-R-E-A-T-H, C-H-A-N-G-E, stay grounded. This is also the time when things change a Lil slower, night comes sooner, the day is shorter, the air is crisp and clean, enjoy this change to a quieter season L-I-S-T-E-N, can you hear your change